Guide · By Single 60s UK
Living apart together: a relationship on your own terms after 60
Close, committed and still in your own homes. What living apart together means, why it suits so many people over 60, and what to agree.
Living apart together, often shortened to LAT, means being a committed couple while each of you keeps your own home. Later in life it can be a very sensible choice. You keep your house, your routines, your independence and your family arrangements, and you still have someone to share weekends, holidays, Sunday lunches and the evening phone call with. For many people over 60 it means closeness without giving up a life built over decades.
The idea surprises some people at first, especially if they were married for a long time under one roof. But it is a well-established way of being a couple, and plenty of people who meet someone new in their sixties or seventies find it suits them perfectly. This guide explains why people choose it, what makes it work, the conversations worth having early, and the practical side of money, homes and wills.
Why couples over 60 choose to live apart
- The home matters. It may hold a lifetime of memories, a garden you have spent years on, or be close to friends, family and the doctor you trust.
- Inheritance is simpler. Keeping separate homes makes it easier to leave your house to your own children, without untangling a shared home later.
- Independence is precious. After a long marriage, a divorce or years on your own, many people enjoy their own routines and want to keep them.
- Families and caring. One of you may look after grandchildren, a parent in their nineties or a pet that does not travel well, or live near family who rely on you.
- The relationship stays fresh. Plenty of couples find that time apart makes time together feel like something to look forward to.
- It can be a stage, not a final answer. Some couples live apart for a few years and move in together later, when they are sure.
What makes it work
Couples who are happy living apart tend to agree a rhythm that suits both of them, such as weekends together and a midweek meal, or a call every evening and a day out at the weekend. They keep a toothbrush and a change of clothes at each other's homes, and they are honest when they need a little more time together or a little more time alone.
Distance matters too. Living apart is easiest when you are a short drive or bus ride from each other, so seeing each other never takes much planning. That is worth thinking about when you set the distance for your suggestions. It also helps to include each other in the ordinary parts of life, not only the treats: a trip to the garden centre, a hospital appointment, a quiet evening in front of the television.
The conversations worth having early
Living apart works best when you both want it, rather than one of you hoping it will change. A few honest conversations in the first months save a lot of misunderstanding later.
- How often would you each like to see each other, and do you stay overnight?
- Where will you spend Christmas, birthdays and family occasions?
- Do you holiday together, and how do you share the cost?
- When do you meet each other's children and grandchildren?
- What happens if one of you falls ill or needs care?
- Is living apart a long-term plan for you both, or might one of you want to share a home one day?
None of these needs a final answer on a third date. They are simply worth raising as the relationship grows, so that you are both clear about what you are building.
What the law does, and does not, give couples who live apart
One reason many couples over 60 keep separate homes is to protect what each of them has. A few legal points are worth knowing, and it is always wise to take advice from a solicitor about your own situation.
- There is no common law marriage in England and Wales. A partner you are not married to or in a civil partnership with has no automatic right to inherit from you. If you want them provided for, say so in your will.
- Scotland has its own rules. They give some limited rights to couples who live together, but a couple who keep separate homes are unlikely to count. Advice from a Scottish solicitor will tell you where you stand.
- Marriage changes wills. In England and Wales, marrying or forming a civil partnership cancels a will you made before, unless it was written with that in mind. In Scotland, marriage does not cancel a will, but a husband, wife or civil partner gains a right to part of your estate whatever the will says, so review it there too.
- Inheritance tax treats you differently. What you leave to a husband, wife or civil partner is normally exempt from inheritance tax; what you leave to a partner you are not married to is not.
- Decisions if you cannot make them yourself. If you would like your partner to be able to act for you over money or health, set up a power of attorney: a lasting power of attorney in England and Wales, or a continuing and welfare power of attorney in Scotland. The rules in Northern Ireland are different, so ask a solicitor there.
- Keep shared costs simple. Many couples split holidays and meals out and keep everything else separate. Agree what suits you and review it now and then.
Never lend money to someone you have only met online, however serious things seem. A genuine partner will understand, and the reasons are set out in how to spot a romance scammer.
Could living apart together suit you?
It tends to suit people who are happy in their own company and settled where they live, but who would love someone to share the good parts of the week with. A few questions can help you decide.
- Do you love your home and want to stay in it?
- Would you like company for days out, meals and holidays more than help with the running of a house?
- Is there family close by whom you want to keep seeing just as you do now?
- Do you have routines, such as early mornings, a choir, a club or a quiet afternoon, that you would rather keep?
- After a long marriage or many years on your own, does sharing a kitchen and a wardrobe again feel like a lot?
If you answered yes to several of these, living apart together may well suit you. It can work for people who never want to share a home again, and for people who simply want to take their time before deciding.
When one of you wants more
Sometimes one partner is happy apart and the other begins to want a shared home, or the reverse. It is worth talking about early and kindly, without treating it as a test of how much you care. Some couples find a middle way: a few nights a week in one home, a shared holiday cottage, or a plan to move in together after a particular family milestone. Others decide that living apart is right for them for good. What matters is that you both say what you want and listen to the answer.
Finding someone who wants the same
If you already know you would like to keep your own home, it makes sense to say so from the start. Single 60s asks what sort of relationship you want, from friendship to something long-term, and each day it suggests people within the age range and distance you set. Mention in a line on your profile that you are settled at home and would love someone to share weekends, walks and holidays with. People who want the same will recognise it straight away.
Our dating profile tips for over 60s help you say it warmly, and our first message ideas make the first hello easier. Some couples start as friends, and friendship over 60 explains how to say that is what you want. For people in their seventies, dating over 70 has more advice.
What couples ask about living apart
What does living apart together mean?
Two people in a relationship who choose to keep a home each. They might spend several nights a week together, holiday together and be part of each other's families, and then each goes back to their own front door.
Is living apart together a proper relationship?
Yes. It is a well-established way of being a couple, and it can be just as loving and committed as living under one roof. It simply puts the commitment in the relationship rather than in a shared address.
Do partners who live apart have any legal rights?
Very few, anywhere in the UK. Unless you are married or in a civil partnership, your partner has no automatic right to inherit from you, and in England and Wales there is no such thing as a common law husband or wife. If you want your partner provided for, or able to act for you if you cannot decide for yourself, make a will, set up a power of attorney and take legal advice.
How often do couples who live apart see each other?
Whatever suits you both. Some couples are together most weekends and a night or two in the week, others every day for a meal but never overnight. The rhythm usually settles itself, and it is fine to change it as the relationship grows.
How do I say on my profile that I want to keep my own home?
Say it warmly and plainly, for example: "Settled in my own home and happy there, and would love someone to share weekends, walks and holidays with." It tells the right people what you are looking for without sounding like a condition.