Guide · By Single 60s UK
How to spot a romance scammer: the warning signs over 60
Scammers follow a script. The stories they tell, the signs that give them away, and what to do if you are worried about someone.
The surest sign of a romance scammer is a request for money, in any form, from someone you have never met in person. Before that moment comes, the warning signs are usually there: a profile that seems a little too perfect, strong feelings declared within days, endless reasons they cannot meet or video call, and pressure to leave the dating site for a private messaging app. If you see two or three of these together, slow down and talk to someone you trust.
Romance scams are not about being foolish. They are run by organised criminals who are skilled, patient and practised, and who choose people they think are kind, trusting or lonely. Anyone can be targeted, including people who are careful in every other part of life. Almost every scam follows the same script, though, and once you know it, it is much easier to recognise. Our safety page explains what Single 60s does behind the scenes; this guide is about spotting the script yourself.
The script romance scammers follow
- The approach. A message arrives from an attractive profile, often with very few photos, a vague job and a story that makes them hard to meet, such as working abroad.
- The rush. They write often and warmly, and soon say they have never felt like this before. Pet names, plans for the future and talk of fate can all appear within a week or two.
- The move. They ask you to continue the conversation by text, email or a messaging app, away from the dating site and its moderators.
- The story. Little by little you hear about a problem: a contract that has not paid, a sick relative, a parcel stuck at customs, a fee they cannot cover from abroad.
- The request. They ask for help, usually money, gift cards or bank details, often with urgency and a promise to pay it back.
- The repeat. If you pay once, there is always a new problem. The requests continue until you stop.
Ten warning signs of a romance scammer
- They ask for money, gift cards, cryptocurrency or your bank details. This is the one sign that settles it.
- They cannot meet, and the reason keeps changing: a posting overseas, an oil rig, a ship, a medical mission.
- They avoid video calls or always have an excuse when you suggest one.
- Their feelings move very fast, with talk of love or marriage before you have met.
- They want to leave the site quickly for a private app or email.
- Their photos look professional, or show a younger, more glamorous person than their story suggests.
- Their story does not add up, such as someone who says they grew up in Yorkshire but cannot name a single place there.
- They ask a lot about you but share few checkable details about themselves.
- They ask you to keep things secret from family and friends.
- They talk about investments, a trading platform or a sure-fire opportunity they would like to share with you.
The stories scammers tell
The details change, but the stories come round again and again. Knowing them takes away much of their power.
- The worker abroad: an engineer, soldier, doctor or ship's officer who cannot get to their own money until a contract ends.
- The widowed parent: someone raising a child alone after a loss, which invites sympathy and shared experience.
- The emergency: a hospital bill, a robbery, a stranded child or a legal fee that must be paid today.
- The visit: they want to come and see you, but need help with the flight, a visa or a travel fee.
- The parcel or inheritance: a valuable package or legacy that is stuck until a customs charge or tax is paid.
- The investment: a chance to make money together, often through an app or website they recommend. This one can run for months before anything goes wrong.
Plenty of genuine members are widowed too, or work away from home. What gives a scammer away is the request for money that follows the story.
Simple checks you can do
- Ask for a video call once you have chatted for a while and before you meet. A real person will happily say hello on a screen.
- Check their photos. A reverse image search, which you can do on a phone or computer, can show whether the same pictures appear elsewhere under a different name. A clean result is not proof, because some scammers now use computer-made faces.
- Search their name and story. Put the name, job and town they give you into a search engine. Scam stories and the names used in them are often reported online.
- Ask specific questions about places, jobs and everyday life that someone with their story would answer easily.
- Look for the ID-checked badge on their Single 60s profile. It shows the member has proved who they are.
- Say no to money, once and clearly. Watch how they react. Anger, guilt or a new emergency tells you all you need to know.
- Talk to someone you trust. Scammers rely on secrecy. A friend who is not caught up in the story often sees it at once.
How Single 60s helps
Single 60s screens photos, videos and text as they go up, and warns you when someone tries to move a chat to another app. You can block or report anyone from inside the site, and our safety page explains the rest.
What to do if you think you are being scammed
- Stop replying and do not send any more money, whatever you are told.
- Call your bank straight away if you have paid anything or shared bank details. In the UK you can call 159 to reach the fraud team at most major banks.
- Report it. In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, contact Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040. In Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101.
- Report the profile on the dating site so the team can act before the scammer reaches anyone else.
- Keep the evidence: messages, names, account details and receipts.
- Beware of recovery offers. People who contact you promising to get your money back for a fee are very often part of the same scam.
Above all, do not blame yourself. Scammers are professionals, and the shame they leave behind is part of how they keep people quiet. Talking about it helps you recover and helps protect others.
If you are worried about a friend or parent
If someone you love seems to be caught up in a scam, go gently. Arguing or ridiculing them can push them closer to the scammer, who will often have warned them that family will not understand. Ask questions instead: how they met, whether they have seen the person on a video call, whether money has been mentioned.
Offer to do a reverse image search together, and share this guide. Many people recognise the script themselves once they see it written down. If money has already gone, help them make the calls to their bank and to Report Fraud (or Police Scotland on 101 in Scotland), and stay with them while they do. It is much easier with a friend beside you.
Online dating is a happy way for many people over 60 to meet, and a few simple habits make it much safer. For more, read about how members are checked on Single 60s, our first date ideas for meeting somewhere public, and our guide to first message ideas. If you have recently lost a partner, dating after losing a spouse has more on keeping yourself safe while you are grieving.
What to do, and where to get help
What is the clearest sign of a romance scammer?
Being asked for money by someone you have not met. The request may come as a loan, an emergency, a fee, a gift card or an investment tip, but it is the same request every time. A genuine person will not ask, and will not mind if you say no.
Why will a romance scammer not video call?
Because the person in the photographs is not them. Scammers usually use pictures taken from someone else's social media, so a live video call is the last thing they want. Repeated excuses about a broken camera, poor signal or a posting abroad are a strong warning sign. Even so, a call is a good check rather than proof, so the rule about money still stands.
Can I get my money back after a romance scam?
Sometimes. Contact your bank straight away, because the sooner you report it the better the chance. Since October 2024, banks and payment firms have had to refund many victims of scams paid by bank transfer between UK accounts, within limits, if you claim within 13 months of the last payment. Cash, gift cards, cryptocurrency and money sent abroad are not covered by those rules, but tell your bank anyway. Be wary of anyone who offers to recover your money for a fee, as that is often a second scam.
Where do I report a romance scam in the UK?
In England, Wales and Northern Ireland, report it to Report Fraud on 0300 123 2040. In Scotland, contact Police Scotland on 101. Tell your bank first if you have paid anything, and report the profile on the dating site so it can be removed.
Are men targeted by romance scams as well as women?
Yes. Scammers target men and women of every age and background. Some pose as women in difficulty, others as successful men working abroad. Anyone can be caught out, which is why knowing the script matters more than thinking you would never fall for it.